anyhow -- my flight on the 12th went smooth. i had my friends over that friday night and it was really nice. they stayed longer than i had planned but we had such a good time and i didn't wanna break up the party.. at some point a few of my girlfriends actually just started cleaning up and getting ready to go so i'd be able to get at least some sleep. i don't mention it enought, but i really, really LOVE my friends and i wouldn't know what to do without them... after they were gone i finished packing and really wasn't all that tired so i ended up with about two hours to sleep before i had to get up at 4 a.m. it was okay though -- i was looking forward to getting there so it wasn't hard to get up. and then my brother actually managed to get up as well and took me to the airport, which was great because it was pouring outside .. i had checked in online the day before and gotten my emergency-exit-seat = legroom, baby. made a HUGE difference, too. it was so relaxing to be able and stretch my legs and time went by not too slow.

we stayed in the hotel in schaumburg that night again, went to the mall and chris took me out to eat at the cheesecake factory for my birthday. soooo jummy. we got to fort wayne probably around 11 p.m. sunday night and while we were at meijer to get groceries (= milk for my coffee in the morning 'cause i can't be without that..) i snuck away and bought candles and a cinnamon-roll for C. when we got home i had a few minutes to wrap the cologne i had bought for him (L'eau D'issey by Issey Miyake -- jummy ;o)) and put a candle in the cinnamon-roll before it was midnight and his birthday. he loved the gifts (i had made him a CD and gotten a cheesy small version of the teddybear he had gotten me for our first christmas together..) and we snuggled up and went to bed pretty soon. on monday we just took it easy, spent half the day in bed and prettied up later on and i took him to a mexican restaurant he likes. and now here's something american for you: there was live-music that night since it was valentine's day as well and you'd think in a mexican place there'd be some mexicans playing the guitar in their sombreros, right? well, not in america. we had ELVIS strolling around the restaurant in his golden jacket singing love songs. jep -- you read right: elvis. it was hilarious. i was too embarrassed to take a picture, but i ensure you i'm not kidding or making that up. what a night, baby.

well, chris worked a couple nights that week, i slept or talked on the phone or did girly things like manicure, defurring, face-mask and looong shower (unfortunately he doesn't have a bathtub), went for a walk or cleaned the apartment. one day we met his dad and grandma for lunch, his mom made us a belated b-day-dinner one night, we went to stay at his dad's for a night on the weekend, did a lot of snuggling in bed and just enjoyed being together. we also went to doctor's appointments. as to that: he's probably gonna have surgery within the next four weeks or so and the recovery depends on what kind of surgery he decides to have. but even if he's gonna go with the least aggressive one (which i hope) he won't be able to make it back here in time for betti's wedding on may 7th. which sucks. i really wanted him to be here for that. of course he needs to get better and that's priority but there's another few really tough months for us coming up and i'm not looking forward to that. not at all.. the thing is: when i'm with him things are just okay. even when everything pretty much sucks, somehow it's still okay. it feels right. i feel complete. of course he drives me nuts and even when i'm with him i'm sad and upset and frustrated and all those things but in the end he says or does something or just gives me a kiss or a hug or holds me and everything is okay. but not when i'm here and he's so far away and i don't see him for months and months. i feel like a big part of me is missing. i just can't enjoy things 100%. i just basically can't really enjoy life when i'm not with him. and i don't mean that i have to be near him 24/7 and i can't go out by myself or do things by myself. i could totally enjoy all that but in the end i need to have him next to me when i go to bed and snuggle up and feel save and like everything's goint to be okay. and i wanna be able to be there for him as well. here, i just feel helpless and i hate it. oh, i don't know how to say what i really mean, but maybe you know... bottom line: it sucks being away from C. big time. and now here i am, back in bremen and back in the office. *sigh*

okay, now saturday was definetely one of the worst days this year so far. we got to chicago later than we wanted to on friday. C had to work thursday night so it was hard to get up and get going. we finally made it there around 7 p.m. or so and checked in (same hotel again -- 50$ is just a bargain for that place and since we know it's great, why save 8$ and get a 2,5* instead that may be at a bad location and shitty) and then i wanted to check in for my flight online again to be able and choose my seat and all. so i went online for 7,50$ + 0,50$/minute at the hotel and that's when the sh*t started. C wasn't happy about me doing it to begin with. he was tired and hungry and just wanted to get going and didn't understand why i couldn't do it in the morning. but i wanted to get it done, choose my seat and know i'd be having a good flight with leg room. so i went to klm.com as i did before my flight there. then at some point they directed me to the northwest.com site though because aparently that's where i had to check in for flights from the US. and northwest didn't give me any option but seat 27A and that was it. i didn't even know if it was an isle or window let alone an emergency-exit. i was pissed but there was nothing i could do so i was just gonna print out the boarding pass and try and change it over the phone or at the gate. at least i was checked in which meant we'd have more time the next day and didn't have to hang around the airport for two hours. and then guess what -- it wouldn't print out the f*cking boarding pass. remember: i was online on my credit card for 7,50$ + 0,50$/minute. so i called the technical support and talked to them for 0,50$/minute for a few minutes while C tryed to get the f*cking printer to print. which he did. it just didn't print out what i had send. wft? eventually after 4 other pages my boarding pass came out. so i told the tech-guy ok and disconnected. and then printed out my receipt. already pissed i was ready to explode when i saw what they had charged me: 15$ for 18 minutes online (of which i actually spent about 8 minutes cheking in and the other 10 minutes talking to the tech..) plus 6 prints at 1$ a piece. i was furious. so i called the support line again, yelled at the guy there until he finally told me they would "only" charge me 8$ (7,50$ minimal charge + 1 minute). and you know what C actually said on the way out? he said: "i won't say anything.." can you believe that? man, i was so mad. not happy at all. even though it really wasn't his fault. but did i need that comment on top of all the rest? no, i didn't.

well, we "ended up" at the cheesecake factory again (you guys have to go there and have the factory burrito grande. SO GOOD. and enough for two days ;o)) and after dinner took a piece of cake back to the hotel room and had it later on in bed so the night ended up being not too bad after all. i'm still mad when i think about the wasted 8$ but i guess i learned a lesson (or something..). and now to the saturday from hell that we really didn't deserve as our last day together for months... we checked out of the hotel around noon and pretty much went to the airport right away. i had called to find out what time the klm-counter opened to be able and change my seat and check in my bags in order for us to have some time to do stuff and not hang around the airport for hours. i figured if i was all checked in i could just show up 45 minutes before the flight and enjoy the time with C until the last minute. boy, was i wrong. when we got to the terminal C helped me take my bags to the counter and waited with me for a couple minutes before he went back to the car. i checked my bags in (couldn't change my seat at that point..) and went back outside. the whole deal took about 10-15 minutes. about 8 of which C was inside with me. and when i got back outside i didn't see the car but C talking to an officer and my heart stopped for about 2 seconds. they had towed the car. within 8 minutes. i am not kidding. the car was gone. OH MY GOD, C was pissed. and i was shocked and upset. that was how we were gonna spent out last two hours together. and the officer had already told C that the fee for the tow was 160$ plus whatever the ticket was. so we went to the train, C seriously mad and me crying. he kept telling me it wasn't my fault and not to be so upset and everything was gonna be okay but i just couldn't stop crying. it was horrible. it took us about an hour and cost C 210$ total to get the car back.

we then went back to schaumburg to sit at starbucks and relax for a while before he dropped me off at the airport again. i hate those good-byes and i won't do this ever again. seriously. i had a headache by the time i got to the gate. i managed to change the seat and get one with a little more legroom. i was so exhausted from the crying and stress and all that i ended up actually sleeping for about 4 hours after dinner on the plane. i had a 3 hour layover in amsterdam and then another hour sitting in the plane on the field waiting for the wings to be defrosted so we could get going. and then the landing in bremen was horrible. windy and those "airholes" that make your stomach jump. rollercoaster again. i hate them.. and all that on top of my already upset stomach and horrible headache. i had a hard time not getting sick and i was so glad to finally get out of the plane. my brother picked me up but just dropped me off at home. i couldn't even talk to him because of my headache. i changed, threw up and went to bed right away. when i woke up a couple hours later my stomach was better and i took some tylenol and went back to bed. i got up a lot better after about 6 hours of sleep, unpacked, ordered pizza, took a bath and called C. that's when i finally felt a little better. but i miss him terribly. i can't imagine being apart for a few months again, but that's what's gonna happen. and i know i'll survive it again, of course. but i'm not looking forward to it. not at all.......

so this is it. did you really read the whole thing? i probably wouldn't have.. it's nice if you did though ;o) today is my nephew's 6th birthday. so that's where i'm gonna go after work. C and i bought him e few cool things like monopoly junior, dr. seuss first dictionary and another learning-book since he just started english at pre-school, a hotwheel monster truck and some candy. i also bought two pairs of shoes for him because they are a lot cheaper over there and he's just gone up another size so... and then on thursday my friend carmen and her bf corey are coming to see me. i'm really exhited about that because ever since we met in MN in '97 she said she wanted to come to germany and now she'll finally make it. after that she's gonna go back to australia for good so i don't know when we'll have the chance to see each other again. but i certainly wanna go there some time. and since i have a place to stay.. ;o) anyway, i'm not that tired this time thanks to the sleep i got on the plane and yesterday and hopefully i'll be busy enought with work and betti's wedding and all the rest of it so i won't have too much time to be depressed and miss C. i hope all is well for you guys and now you're free to go 'cause i'm done for today.....