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2005-01-28 * 5:41 p.m.

i don't know yet..
i actually had the guts to "kinda" ask on wednesday. i had told one of my bosses (E) about the dream in the morning kinda joking around about me being afraid of them and all. and since it was a pretty good day at work for me with a client telling my boss in the afternoon how great and friendly and talented i was and how satisfied she was with the work we got done in the morning..yaddayadda.. i thought it'd be a good starting point to bring on the request. so i started kinda like "you know, what if i really needed another two weeks off from then to then..." i told him about C's possible surgery and that i just wasn't doing very good right now and how i knew it was a bad time but i could get everything done until i left and... you know, me about 1cm tall at that point. good thing: he didn't say "no way". bad thing: he said "talk to A" (my other boss). and of course i haven't done that yet. BUT a really, really awesome person i know from the talkaboutusa-forum checked into flights for me again after we had a really great and long talk last night, and she found one for *insert.fanfare.here* 269 euro roundtrip. february 13th thru 26th. what a deal, man. (thank you so much again ellen ;o)) a.n.y.w.a.y -- she's holding it for me until monday. i will have to do some thinking, talking to C and a few friends over the weekend and then on monday talk to THEM.

i really do wanna go. although there are quite a few things on the contra-side. i will miss the "kohlfahrt" which isn't horrible for me really, but i just found out today that they chose the date because of me. there were two dates to choose from and i preferred the 19th and another friend preferred the 12th. so the organizers kinda chose "me" and now i feel bad about it (but i didn't know back when we were talking about the dates..). so that's one thing. another thing is, that it'll be tough to get everything done at work before february 11th and it really isn't the best time to leave for another two weeks. especially after having off on the 7th and 8th for carnival.. and it'll leave me with about 10 days of vacation for the rest of the year (which is normal for US standards, i know).

BUT, i miss C SO MUCH. and it's his birthday/valentine's day that we haven't spent together in two years. also, he has an appointment on thursday where they're gonna inject stuff into the disks and do some tests to find out where exactly the pain comes from and then he's gonna talk to the surgeon right afterwards. so chances are, that he'll have surgery around the time i'm thinking about going and i wanted to be there for that anyway. AND i won't be able to leave after the beginning of march until probably the middle of may. so this really is the last chance to see him or it'll be months and months again. plus, did i mention just HOW MUCH i miss him? so i think it's time for a stomach decision here. jawohl! haven't told any of my friends really, so i'm gonna see what they say. hopefully they'll understand, even if they have never been in a situation like this..

i'll know more by monday. and then i'm gonna let you know, of course. have a great weekend y'all ;o)