we slept late on monday and chris had physical therapy before work so i was there by myself again in the afternoon. it was okay though. i actually started to pack one of my bags with gifts and the stuff i wasn't gonna need over the last few days. which was kinda sad but made sense since i didn't have anything to do anyway. on tuesday we went to see his dad and jane again in the afternoon. we went out for dinner and visited for a little while afterwards but didn't spend the night. there was supposed to be freezing rain during the night and we didn't wanna take a chance of being stuck there all day wednesday. we still had a few things to do and wanted to be at his grandma lilly's for lunch on wednesday at noon, so we left defiance late tuesday night and got home okay. on wednesday the weather had gotten pretty bad and we debated on even getting into the car to go to his grandma's for a while. but since we were gonna leave for chicago probably the next day (depending on the weather) and i really wanted to visit and see his grandma and mom before i left, we went. that was after scraping (= breaking) off the half an inch of ice the car was covered in. seriously. i have never seen anything like it. but the streets were all right, especially with the jeep so we went and got there at 1 p.m. we had lunch and visited for a while before going home because the weather didn't exactly get better and it kept snowing and all. so we were gonna go home right away and told his grandma we'd give her a call once we got in. instead on the drive chris decided that he was getting more comfortable driving in the conditions and i wanted to return something at old navy so we went there. of course i ended up looking around for almost an hour ;o) afterwards we stopped at best buy to check out digital cameras real quick (more on that later) and got a movie again. actually we got two movies (bourne identity & supremacy - good movies i thought btw..) because the weather was just perfect for a snuggly on the couch movie night. which is what we did after using another one of our gifts certificates for dinner at logan's (yummi). during that whole change of plans driving around thing we had totally forgotten to call grandma. so when we remembered like two hours after we had left her house i gave her a call right away from my cellphone and of course she had been worrying. we had four messages from her on the machine when we finally got home later and felt really bad. so sorry again, grandma..

on thursday the 6th we checked the weather and the forecast in the morning and decided it was okay to go to chicago. so we went to the library and booked out hotel for that night. we actually booked a 4* because it was the last night and it really only cost 10 bucks more than the 2*. we showered, i packed and we took off. on the way we stopped in merrillville and i bought a digital camera. jeah baby, jeah baby, jeah... i had gotten some cash from the family for christmas and we had used some of it on groceries, gas and stuff and i was gonna buy those pumas for 100 bucks. but seriously, even i get more out of a camera than a pair of shoes.. so i had been looking for a few days and this baby was my favorite for the money i was willing to spend. i basically wanted at least 3 megapixels and a movie mode with sound. and i wanted the camera to be fairly small... and when the guy at circuit city told me i'd get it 30$ cheaper 'cause the only one left was the one out on the floor on display, i didn't have to think about it for very long. chris got me a bag for it and i got a memory card the next day. now i am a very happy camper because i had wanted one for sooo long and now i'll be posting more pictures for you guys again because i don't have to do the p.i.t.a. scanning any longer ;o) ...

the hotel in schaumburg was awesome. we checked in and then chris took me out for dinner at the cheesecake factory. man. i had one of the best burritos ever and we took a piece of chocolate mousse cheesecake to the hotel room and ate it later on cozy in bed with some red wine ;o) did i mention that i put on about 3 lbs over the holidays... but it was worth it. anyways, it was the last night so obviously pretty sad. we didn't go to sleep until late. of course the man fell asleep snuggling with me way before i did and some crying was done on my side of the bed.. we checked out late on friday. i felt like crying pretty much the whole time and just tried to keep my shit together. worked okay most the time.. we spent the day shopping for things i hadn't bought yet and just kinda driving around the neighbourhood. which is, by the way, very nice. we both agreed on schaumburg/arlington heights to definetely be an option if we were to end up in the US instead of here.. we used our last gift certificate at the lone star and i had my last ceasar's salad for a while... and after a last stop at target (looove target) it was time to get to the airport. after checking in we had about 40 minutes left until i had to get to the gate. we just sat and talked. i cried. he made me laugh and distracted me. it was horrible. those goodbyes are the worst. especially when you don't know when you'll see one another the next time. which we don't. again...

well, the flight was okay. i mean i hate those long flights but this one actually wasn't too bad. the landing in copenhagen sucked though because there were really strong winds and clouds so it was a bumpy ride. and then the start from copenhagen in one of those tiny "city hoppers". man, while standing there on the field the plane was already shaking so it was no fun. and the landing in hanover was the worst. like a 20 minute rollercoaster ride. and i don't like rollercoasters to begin with. i was certainly glad once i was back on the ground. my sister and brother picked me up and on the way back to bremen the drive belt in the car snapped - as to be expected with one of my brother's cars ;o) anyway.. so we went on but stopped at three or four shops/gas stations to buy a new one (but couldn't find one to fit his car) and picked up lukas from a friend's house. it was after 6 p.m. by the time we finally got to my place. they stayed for a while, i started to unpack and organize a little bit and took a shower. around 8.15 p.m., just in time for a movie, i finally sat down on the couch to relax. that's when maren rang to check if i was home yet. aparently all my friends were gonna meet at her place in order for me not to have to go anywhere. i thought that was so nice that even though i didn't feel like socializing a whole lot, i went over to meet them. it was actually very nice. i had some red wine, broke out in tears a couple times when someone asked me how i was doing (luckily that was always one of the girls in the kitchen or hallway or so, so i didn't cry in front of everyone..) and after chris called and finally went over to my place around 11 p.m. i managed to stay up until around 1 or 1.30 a.m. and finally went to bed exhausted after around 33 hours without sleep. my brother woke me up by calling at 1 p.m. on sunday. i then went to help him move (looooong different story) and when i got home just before 7 p.m. michi came by before i even had the chance to eat and we talked until almost 11 (looooong different story). so i'm still tired and sore from lifting two 30 kilo suitcases around and being squashed in the plane and carrying boxes of crap for my brother in the fourth floor on sunday. welcome home, kim...

same thing at work. no time to breath. i really don't even have time for this when i look at the piles on my desk, but i don't care.. and - i miss C tons and wish i could hop on a plane again tomorrow and then just be emotional and unrealistic and quit my job and stay there with him.. but i won't and i will keep on hoping for things to work themselves out soon. the doctor prescribed 6 more physical therapy sessions and if there's no real improvement after that, there will some serious surgery talk be done. and i swear if i can manage at all i'm gonna go to be with him for a couple of weeks when he has surgery because i don't even wanna imagine him having to go through that with me being so far away... we should know more by the end of the month. so guess what? we'll see and i'll wait and try to get by with talks on the phone and optimism.

update 2:49 p.m.

calls from germany to the US with 01015 are FREE right now. no kidding. so all be prepared for me to call any time now ;o)

update 3:37 p.m.

you must think i was kidding about the sh*tloads of work i have to with all the updating here but i'm really not.. i was just thinking that now that i have the digicam (ja-hay!) i can do a PHOTO MEME! so anything you guys want me to post pictures of? i'll do it. why? 'cause i can! HA! okay, now this is it for today..