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2005-01-06 * 12:56 p.m.

frohes neues... and sad at the same time
just a quick "i'm alive". we're booking our hotel for tonight in chicago right now and i'll be leaving tomorrow night. feel crappy 'cause i still don't know what's gonna happen. not because he won't tell me but because he doesn't know either. he said his future is (with) me and all but he just has to get better first. surgery is still a talked about option if the physical therapy doesn't work within the next three-four weeks. it kills me just imagining him getting surgery and me not being here. i'm going crazy when i think about that i'm gonna be sleeping alone again tomorrow night without my kiss goodnight and the snoring and snuggling and him almost pushing me out of bed while he's sleeping because he want's to be near me. i love him so much and i don't wanna leave him. i cried a couple times this week without any reason just because i had a few minutes to think about going home. it's killing me. i think we've been apart long enough now to prove that we're meant to be together. but again, i'm leaving and i don't know when i'll see him again. have to go guys, but thank's so much for all the encouragement and hugs. will get back with the report on new year's and all once i'm back home. XOXOXO ;o(