after the last entry i spent thursday night at the house making potatoe-salad without a recipe because my mom never wrote it down. so i just made it how i thought she did and it actually turned out GREAT. so no more christmasses without THE potatoe-salad i grew up on because now i know how to make it MYSELF. jay. so that's what i did thursday afternoon/night. C had to leave pretty early because OF COURSE he had some more x-mas-shopping to do and i was actually pretty bored. so i ended up eating too much feeling just grumpy. but you know, i survived.. he actually didn't get home too late. i think it was around 2 a.m. so they got off two hours early which was nice. on friday he got going around noon to pick up our rental car for the next two weeks. he had a reservation for a small car and just kinda waited until last minute to pick it up so of course they didn't have any small cars left so we have a NICE jeep now for two weeks at 9.95$ a day. that's my baby ;o) he was out buying my gifts until after 3 p.m. and i was actually kinda upset because it was christmas eve and i really didn't wanna spend it by myself in his little apartment. and you all know how christmas is a little tough for me as it is so i was upset. i went for a walk in the snow along the river after a while and felt better then.

when he got home we got ready to go to his grandma's for christmas eve dinner. we were late because of him of course and i was pissed. i hate being late especially when there are people waiting with dinner they spent preparing all night and day. he was stressed as well so we ended up fighting, him yelling at me, me getting in the car crying all the way there. i'm just really really sensitive around christmas ever since my mom died, i have a lot on my mind right now as it is as far as where this is going and what's gonna happen once i have to go back to germany and all and he rarely ever raises his voice so when he does is hits me pretty hard. of course he felt really bad and apologized and told me he was stressed, too and just didn't think of how tough this time a year is and all so we were good by the time we got to his grandma's and i kept my shit together all night. it was a good time, too. they all make me feel so much like part of the family and the food was great and i was overwhelmed by the flood of gifts i got. C really went crazy on me even though i didn't expect much or wanted anything really since he has payed for the plane ticket for me as well. i got the most beautiful white-gold charm bracelet from him with a heart that has my initials on on one side and says "love, chris" on the other side. he got me a beautiful scarf i saw at express women and didn't get because it was just so freakin' expensive, the bridget jones 2 soundtrack, two books of lisa gardner that i love to read right now, a guess-watch and my favorite perfume "white musk" from the body shop with the lotion as well. i'm telling you, i was overwhelmed. i just don't know that from back home. like this overload of gifts. don't get me wrong here, it was awesome and everything is so thoughtful and i love it all and it makes me very special. i'm just a little overwhelmed, that's all. and i got so many cool things from the rest of the family as well as some cash so i can get me my puma speedcats in real leather and don't have to feel bad about spending 100$ on a pair of tennis shoes AT ALL ;o) we also got gift certificates to three great restaurants so there will be a lot more eating done in the next two weeks.

woops, my time's amost up (i'm at the library right now) so i will have to go. we're probably gonna get out of here for new year's and if i don't get to be in touch before that, have a great new year's eve you all and i'll be updating for you asap again. just so much: no talk or decision yet but there's gonna be some talking done within the next two weeks for sure. how i feel about that i'm not sure. i am nervous and scared and irritated but at least i should know more then.. so i guess that's gonna be an improvement anyhow. hugs to you all and i will "talk" to you later ;o)