it was the summer of 2000. heike's birthday party on august third in oldenburg. i really didn't even know heike that well back then and i only went because another friend of mine (harriet) came and kinda "took" me.. i don't remember whose it was and how we got it but we took a mini cooper. i don't know why i remember this, but i do.. harriet, heike and i all worked at karstadt at that time and i had just quit university and started my training.. i was waiting to move out of my mom's and into my first own place. it was a time of changes for me. more than i knew..

heike had told me before about how there was gonna be this really nice 'n fun american and i was looking forward to maybe speaking some english. the party was outside with a barbeque and all. when we got there they had already started. and i didn't talk to C all night. i don't even know why, it just didn't happen. to be honest, i think i was kinda nervous about speaking english. after all, it had been two years since i got back from minnesota and i really hadn't had a lot of "practice" since then.

around 1 a.m. we all of a sudden ended up standing there with heike and someone else (don't remember) and she officially introduced us. you know, telling him i had been in minnesota for a year and yadda, yadda.. so there was our first topic and we then came from pillar to post and just talked and talked. people started to go home. harriet went upstairs to bed. even heike went to bed and we still talked. around 4 or 5 a.m. we went upstairs as well because it got kinda cool. we had the last beers from the fridge and talked some more in the kitchen. until about 7 a.m.. then at the door, just when C was about to leave, he gave me a kiss goodbye. finally. and i think i even said something like "that was about time..". *sigh* butterflies people, big time.

i went into the room and started to take off my shoes. harriet woke up and was all curious and wanted to know everything. and while i was standing there, taking my shoes off and all, i though "that couldn't have been it", told harriet i was gonna be right back, put my shoe back on and ran outside to where the bikes were. he was just about to take off when he saw me and i stammered something like "i just wanted to check if you found your bike okay", we kissed some more and i was back upstairs at about 11 a.m. i remember everybody being in the kitchen already having breakfast. i tried to sneak by but of course they saw me and wanted to know how being right back could take more than three hours... ;o)

so that was exactly four years ago today. of course he had my phone number and called about three days later. the rest is history. we both weren't sure about the whole thing for a long time. him being american not knowing when he'd have to go back and all.. i don't remember when exactly i knew, but at some point i just did. i realized that i felt more for him then i had ever felt for anyone before and i was gonna do everything in my power to make it work. it broke my heart when he had to go back on july 22nd 2002. it's so tough not having him here with me. a lot happened since then - here and there. we've had seriously tough times and are still not done. but i just know that he's my THE ONE and things will work out for us. because they just have to. and i also feel like all of what happened in the last two years has even brought us closer and once we're back on track and together, everything will be just fine.

thank you for the last four years, babe. i love you!