i actually spent quite some time yesterday at work looking online for internships in the US and how there may be other legal ways for me to just go over there. i can't do this any more. i'm even unhappy at my job which i usually like. i feel like in order to be happy and enjoy just about anything there's 50% missing. i can't enjoy party, work or even life 100% with half of me missing. i'm so fed up with being away from the one person that means the absolute most to me. more and more i feel like i'm getting to a point where i will just turn off realism and quit my job and apartment, leave everything behind and go to a different continent just to be with him again. i feel like i'm melting or something. unfortunately not physically melting here.. it's scary how one person can mean so much to you and kinda make you complete whereas you're incomplete without him. scary in a way 'cause i've always been pretty good depending on myself and being on my own. after all i have awesome friends and a brother, sister, nephew and sister-in-law i love to death. just not the same.