i don't know why i even feel bad thinking about how i might have to leave this place to move to the US with chris next year if things don't work out for us here. no matter where we'd end up, one thing's for sure - the weather can only be better. and i spent 13 months in st. paul, minnesota with a really long and cold winter. but even that was so much better than here. it's the constant grey i suppose. depressing grey. all the time. no matter what season, grey it is..

the weekend was pretty crappy as well (not the weather, that was actually nive..). most of my friends were gone outta town and i'm not a big fan of being out with a couple. like the fifth wheel kinda thing (depending on the couple as well, but i usually just don't like it) and then there's the thing about me that a lotta times i don't seem able to spend quality time with myself. there are only so many things to do by yourself and they get old pretty fast, too. i read, watch tv, take bubble-baths (& read in the tub), clean around the house, sit on the balcony (which only works on nice days and there aren't too many - as mentioned above), go online (which costs money here in germany, so you can't really do that all day either). then i walk (depending again on the weather) or go shopping every once in a while although since i should really save up i don't do that a whole lot. especially after spending too much on ebay again.. and even on weekends with my friends in the city. a lot of times at least one weekend-night is kinda couple-night. so are sundays, if they are not family-days. so i, with not much family left and 50% of the ingredients for a great couple-night or -day being thousands of miles away, a lot of weekends end up being alone and bored..

so am i a freak? or just pitiful? is everybody as lost without his friends as i am? and i want my man. but that's just normal i guess. gosh - almost sounds like i'm all sorry for myself. which i'm not. just wondering..