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2004-04-25 * 1:25 p.m.

back on track
stress at work has gotten better. i did get the catalogue done on time and sent it out tuesday night. so i did kinda relax a little bit on wednesday and thursday and then on friday when i already had the proof and was checking it i realized that i had forgotten one artist. can you believe that? jeee - that just SO shows my condition over the last couple of months and summs it all up. i mean FORGET an artist.. luckily they hadn't started printing yet so i just moved some things around and put in another page. unfortunately that artist never got to see her page before to send me an OK, but her data was on CD and i double-checked everything so it should be okay. and anything is better than not having her in the catalogue at all. i was so mad at myself! i am really not a perfectionist in an unhealthy kinda way but i just hate when i make pretty big and stupid mistakes like that which are a result to the lack of concentration i had had to deal with stuck in my depessive mood.

but -- i'm back on track and already better. i am back on a healthy diet and watching it and i'm gonna start running/walking today. already got myself new shoes and since spring is definetely here i'm all motivated now. i still don't know about my vacation-situation this year or when chris is finally gonna come but i just can't let that all get to me so badly. i made it through 21 months of this long-distance-crap and have had some seriously bad times. but i survived and i will survive the next months because i love chris and i have awesome friends (thanks so much to nina for kicking my butt the other day!) and i just know that things will have to work out because it wouldn't make any sense if they didn't. i mean we've made it so far (thanks to me most of the time, btw) and i just love him so much. sometimes when i'm really frustrated and depressed and he's been an a..hole on the phone again i think about just finding myself a less complicated relationship with a nice german guy. but then when i think about it a little more i realize i don't want anybody else. noone could be as good as my baby even with all the crap that's involved in this usa-germany relationship. plus -- i might get bored being in a "normal" relationship. after all my whole life has been far from normal so this just makes sense, doesn't it ;o)

well guys, i will (literally ;o)) go run now and meet daniel at "payton's" later on to watch soccer. 5 games to go and we're still leading by 8 points. ya know what that means! ;o)

PS: i love you, chris!