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2003-05-12 * 1:30 p.m.

first mother's day without my mom ..
it is over! it wasn't the best day for me. i ususally manage not to think about the fact that she's gone pretty good. but events like that and the whole advertising around it don't exactly make it easy to ignore it. so i had a tough weekend ... it all kinda started when i talked to chris friday night and he said he was gonna go out to dinner with his mom on sunday. and then people were justtalking about it on the party, too and when betti asked me outside on the balcony (we had a smoke) how i was dealing with it and if i had a hard time i just couldn't keep myself together any more ... i mean i didn't break down crying but i couldn't stop a few tears from running. and that's how it was pretty much all sunday - just on and off. i wasn't in a big seeing-people-mood and kinda dealt with it myself ...

i figure there's always gonna be days like that. it's probably gonna get better after a while but i'm sure it'll keep coming back. i don't think you can totally get over something like that ever ...

anyways - that's why i'm just not i a great mood today. i didn't sleep well (kept waking up a few times) and was disappointed that i didn't get to talk to chris at all yesterday ... but i'll get over it and tonight's gym-night and once monday's over i'm sure it'll get better. XOXOXO take care