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2003-03-13 * 11:25 a.m.

wedding-stress ...
what can i say? i am really stressed and frustrated. the artist window is driving me ... as usually and i'm really frustrated about being away from chris, not knowing when i will see him again and all the rest of it. plus - on top of the distance - we really don't get to talk any more. since he's working all day and really can't talk there other than "how are you?" and "i have to get back ..." there's no time to really talk - of course - and by the time he gets home i'm usually sleeping or at least in bed just about to go to sleep. i keep myself awake until midnight because that gives me the chance to maybe talk to him if he went home right after work that day ... and on the weekends it's not much better ...

and i totally sleep like sh.. lately. i wake up at least once or twice every nigth and can't go back to sleep for a while. it's driving me nuts! i'm just so exhausted. and the whole wedding-thing ... i mean i'm so happy for them and i'm kinda looking forward to the whole ceremony and party but on the other hand i am scared and i hope it won't be too bad for me. when i seriously think about it for a few minutes and picture the whole ceremony and stuff i could start to cry no problem. so i see myself pretty much crying for two days and i don't want that to happen of course ... that's why i wish chris would be here and i wouldn't have to go home by myself and be alone those nights :o( ..... oh well, i'll survive - as usually. and there's so much to do until then to keep me busy ...

talking of so much to do - i gotta get back to my catalogue ...